Introduction and Purpose of the S Questions Model
Paradigm and Perspective
A paradigm is how we see, interpret, and understand our world and our role in it, and how we understand the roles of others. It is our view of the world and how it should be, and our model or template from which we make sense of our world.
Our individual and unique paradigm is our reference point for interpreting information and giving meaning to what happens in it. It is a way of organizing, classifying, and condensing sensory information to help us understand our world.
The Formation of Our Paradigm
Our paradigm has been uniquely customized in line with:
- The beliefs and values that we developed from our experiences during our formation, about ourselves, others, and our world
- The experiences of the significant others in our lives and how their values and beliefs were portrayed to us and internalized by us
- Our culture, education, religion, race, and any other conditioning influence that contributed to us being who we are
Perspectives
Our paradigm influences our perspectives which, in turn, filter incoming information, so that we see and experience our world in the way we expect to see and experience it, according to our paradigm. Our filters are conditioned by our experiences as we learn about our surroundings throughout our lives. Paradigms often limit and color our perceptions and awareness, resulting in us finding it hard to see something that does not conform to our basic assumptions.
It is important to note that stored memories are memories of our perceptions or subjective realities, not memories of reality.
“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are—or, as we are conditioned to see it.”
— Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
Paradigm Shift
A paradigm shift is when we change our thinking, perspective, and understanding about a situation. In mediation, this can result in a change in our approach to the conflict and our response to it.
Example of a Paradigm Shift
In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey 2 describes experiencing a paradigm shift in his thinking and approach:
I remember a mini-paradigm shift I experienced one morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly—some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene. Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.
It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too.
So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?” The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago, I don’t know what to think, and I guess they don’t know how to handle it either.
Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, and because I saw differently, I thought differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn’t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man’s pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. “Your wife just died? Oh, I’m so sorry! Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?” Everything changed in an instant.
The positive aspect illustrated by this story is that our created paradigm, or our view of our world, along with our patterns of behavior, are not rigid but are open to change. By gently listening and reflecting back to a party what you have heard them say and asking insightful questions, a mediator can provide a safe space for parties to reflect on their paradigm and perceptions, look at their conflicts differently, and make changes to their behavior if they choose to do so. A mediator’s role is to work with the entrenched perspectives and positions of parties to achieve a shift in their thinking and their approach to their conflict. The S4: Shift Thinking questions in the S Questions Model are designed to shift the thinking and perceptions of parties in conflict.
